Back and...not really better, but at least the same as ever.

"We are deeply, deeply sorry to say that due to licensing constraints, we can no longer allow access to Pandora for listeners located outside of the U.S.
We believe that you are in Germany... If you believe we have made a mistake, we apologize...We share your disappointment and greatly appreciate your understanding."

Why don't people ever apologies to me like this when they've actually done something wrong?

Like the person who wrote this "Post Secret"...



And I'm sure it's no secret.

I can't even begin to count how many Americans I've heard of living in Germany that haven't even "bothered" to learn wie geht's. How ironic that an American would criticize the language abilities of others when Americans are so often stereotyped as only knowing, and only being interested in knowing, English. I've received so many surprised faces from people when they've found out that I speak German. This is after I've told them that I've been living in Germany since September and my German, really, isn't that good, at all, and yet they're still REALLY surprised. This is not a good sign.

I can't even think about the German's opinion of people living in Germany and not speaking German well without getting really angry. I'll save that for later. You're fucking talking to them in German the whole time and they speak to you in nothing but English and then wonder h...later, later...

...and months after winning the German-English game with my roommate she is today, after spending time with her brother and his non-German speaking girlfriend, back for a rematch. Let the battle begin.

Time for a short update!

German: I don't think it will ever be where I want it to be. Every time I learn something new I find another million things about German I didn't know I didn't know. Which is why I find learning hard, I already know there's a lot I don't know, I can't stand to find out that there's even more. Biggest goal this semester is to be satisfied with however much I can do and to remember that being angry with people talking to me in English will not make them talk to me in German. I will simply continue to talk in German whenever I can despite what language I'm being talked to in.
It is safe to say, though, especially after the all-English-all-the-time pause when my brother was here, I am still in Deutsch verliebt. I love the way it feels when I say a long sentence with all the verbs in the right place and in the right form. Not just because I feel accomplished but because it just feels good...it feels different. I think it's my brain working.

I was actually really surprised at how many words came to me in German first when I was talking to my brother. Pleasantly surprised.

Mmm...German.

Weißt du was du mir bedeutest?
Auf einem Platz in meinem Herz
Steht dein Name an der Wand
Und ich will dass du es erfährst
Ich werde immer an dich glauben
Egal was auch passiert
Manche singen von ihm
Ich sang die ganze Zeit von dir

Tomte. June 18th, Erfurt, be there.


Thanks to Micah's clarification that I don't actually need a couch to be a part of the couchsurfing community I have finally plunged in. I haven't actually surfed yet (I tried!) and I haven't actually plunged, but I've treaded some water. Nice, warm, interesting water.

First Couchsurfing event attended...free hug day...

Even though my heart...ok, so I wanted to find out what the most delicate flower was so I could compare my heart to it, duh, and the first result to "most delicate flower" on google is a website of pictures of women's vaginae and the second is a wikianswers page to "What is the most delicate flower?" in which the answer is "a loaf of cheese:)". Internet, what am I going to do with you.

In any event...my heart is...very delicate. Reaching out my arms to people who immediately reject my love could be tiring if done everyday, but all in all it was very warming. I often want to reach out to the sad looking Germans of downtown Berlin, I found it very fulfilling to finally indulge in this urge. Not to mention the urge to touch attractive Italian tourists.

I decided to go because I like free hugs but also because I was sure everyone there would be able to speak English. I thought this would be a good break for my brother. He took good advantage of the fact that it was an English speaking event by indulging in his urge to speak loudly in English at total strangers.



"Hey! Where are you going?! I'm from American! Aren't you glad I'm here?! I've been waiting for you! What?! You don't want to hug me?! WHY?!"

I was surprised that I found someone that would talk to me in German even though he spoke very good English...but I'm still not sure how far out I want swim when so many couchsurfers are only interested in speaking in English at gatherings. Maybe that's not true all the time, we'll see. I met some very nice people that I would like to see again.

Relationships...or language...relationships....language...relationships...
language...my eternal struggle. I want both! But I want!